Recently a new mom that I follow on Twitter was sharing her feelings of desperation. Now keep in mind her baby is just 3 days old and it was her first night home from the hospital. Of course she was tired, scared, emotional, teary eyed, etc – She JUST had a baby!
All to often we, as mothers, put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Have the perfectly cleaned home, dinner on the table by 5pm every night, laundry put away, kids cleaned and well entertained, and so much more that we miss the bigger picture. It is OKAY to cry and melt down every once and a while. We are human.
I wanted to share a little of what I told her and would love for you to share your thoughts and feelings about your first week home from the hospital.
Don’t feel guilty about others helping you out – you just had a baby. Your hormones are raging and you need rest, liquids and love. Accept the love and don’t feel guilty. Let your husband help with your son!
Take care of yourself! You just went through child birth – you need to rest and recover. A few weeks of you being less involved with your eldest son won’t hurt him. He loves you and knows you are there for him and once you recover, you will be able to be there for him more. But if you don’t take care of yourself now, it will only make it harder as time goes on and you will end up with longer periods of time before you can spend adequate time with him.
Don’t worry that your baby isn’t getting enough breastmilk. Even though you are sore, she is getting milk. It can be difficult to tell if she is having wet diapers because babies only urinate a small amount in the early days. Put a small square of toilet paper inside of her diaper so that you can tell when she has wet. As long as she is having 4-5 wet diapers per day, then she is getting plenty of your milk. Try to keep in mind that her wet diaper is not going to be huge and heavy like your son’s. It will barely have any weight to it. As long as that piece of tissue is damp, then there are no worries!
All too often new moms try to do it all. It’s hard to stop and ask for help. When help is offered we also too often just respond with “I’m fine,” as it’s easier then saying what really going on in your head – “Lord, Help me. I’m going nuts. I’m a complete basket case and all I want is a SHOWER and just one hour of peace and quiet!!” So take a moment to step back and just breath. Accept help when it is offered and make sure you talk to someone to let them know how you are feeling.
Funny, I had a similar conversation with a woman today. We were talking about postpartum depression and how much pressure women place on themselves after they have a baby – to be happy, to be a wife, to be a mom, to hold it together. This information will help others. Great post.
This is the best blog post I’ve read all day. Everything you say is so true and I remember myself feeling so overwhelmed and worried about my lack of mothering skills. Even with number two baby, it’s overwhelming!! There’s a new human in your charge for the next 18 years (at least!). What you said is something every new mom needs to hear. I will definetly find a reason to link this to one of my future posts. Thanks for reaching out to your Twitter friend and sharing this.
I wanted to share a quick tip that might help a new mom ask for help without feeling guilty about it. A former LLL Leader recommended it to another mom and I wished I had heard the tip earlier. I was overwhelmed when my twins came home from the NICU (and felt awful about asking for help) and I think it could have helped.
Put a “To do,” list on the fridge. That way, when people come to visit and ask “What can I do to help,” either mom or dad (because I know I always felt less guilty when dh asked for things) can say, “Hey, we have a list on the fridge. If you want to help, anything on that list would be appreciated.”
Great tip Reiza! Thanks for posting it! — Judy
GREAT post! I wish nurses would discuss this more with mommies before they leave the hospital or give them a handout – anything to help with the transition. This is where a postpartum doula can really help too!
And just about everyone cries on Day 3. Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it’s reality setting in. Either way, everyone I’ve talked to has found themselves reduced to a pile of mush on Day 3 after all the adrenaline has worn off. The tears go away eventually (weeks later) but don’t be surprised – it’s normal.
I think i held out for a week after my son was born. looking back, i’m not sure how. He was colicky from birth; he screamed most of the time and hardly slept for the first three months. Thank goodness he was a good nurser from the start.
i went upstairs to get some rest one night and ended up calling a friend. By the time she picked up the phone i was bawling. She asked what was wrong and I said I didn’t know. And really, i couldn’t put a finger on any one specific thing. It was just a culmination of everything I’d been through.
I also found it took me about amonth to recover from the sudden bursts of sadness. Doctors say if you feel this way after two weeks you have post pardum depression but I disagree. I wasn’t so depressed that i couldn’t function. i wasn’t even depressed or sad a lot. But I didn’t feel myself until about a month after I’d given birth.
Of course, the colick and the lack of sleep definitely contributed to that.
.-= Lynette´s last blog ..Who Are You And What Did You Do With My Son? =-.